Sunday, May 10, 2009

Zen and the Art of Bed Bugs

My restless nights of wedding stress have since melted away, only to be replaced with joyful anticipation. Anticipation to meet Nick's family. To spend time with mine. To stand barefoot on the beach and drink mass quantities of spiked lemonade. Such bliss.

While we are away on our honeymoon some of Nick's family will be keeping our cats company in our cramped apartment. In preparation for their stay I've been running around like a lunatic creating checklists. Put up new shower curtain liners. Scrub the cabinets. Hide the naughties. Wash the linens.

This afternoon as I was downstairs doing laundry I made a remarkable discovery in the hallway. An abandoned mattress. The perfect size for our empty trundle bed. A trundle bed that would make the most magnificent of guest beds for weary relatives. It was fate.

After dragging the mattress up three flights of stairs I finally busted through our front door in a puddle of wheezing sweat. Nick looked up from the computer in horror.

"No. Uh-uh. Not gonna happen. Take that thing back where you found it. It's vile."

I would be lying if I told you this was the first questionable object I dug up in our basement.

"What do you mean vile," I pleaded, conjuring up my best used-car salesman impersonation. "This thing is perfect! A Godsend! A steal!" I was already thinking about how grateful his brother would be when he discovered I just saved him from camping out on our cheap jute rug for a week.

"Well if that thing was abandoned, I'm sure it was for a good reason," he interjected. "And if it wasn't abandoned, then you must have stolen it from somebody moving in. It wasn't in the hallway, was it? Did you just jack that from someone?"

I thought fast. "Umm... no! I didn't steal it. I mean, I don't think I stole it. There was nobody around. It's mine!"

This went on until the used-car salesman morphed into psychotic-territorial-fiance who'll lose a limb before giving up this freebie. Eventually he gave up and slunk back to his computer while I inspected my prize. I put it through what I like to call Amanda's Test of Compatibility:

Visually the mattress looked sound. Check.

Next, I sniffed every square inch of its surface. No offending odors. Check.

Finally, I rubbed my face all over the top before grinning and tucking it away on our trundle frame. If I wake up tomorrow morning with hives, I'll consider it a sign. Only then will I admit defeat and lug my trophy back downstairs to where I found it. If not, I just scored us a pretty sweet guest bed.

I'll keep you posted.

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Amber said...

put some sheets on it and it'll be fine! I hate sleeping on that jute rug.. those fibers stick... and itch. and your couch isn't much more comfy. about time you had a matress for that bed! Now I must come and visit.. oh and btw, I have that friday, saturday and sunday off!

Nicole said...

haha rubbed your face all over it

Kim T. Griswell said...

Come on, Nick should be proud to have an intrepid urban scavenger for a wife-to-be. As long as you don't end up in jail for mattressknapping on the eve of the wedding.

PS: Bet you won that round because Nick knew you'd make him carry the mattress back downstairs if you lost. Am I right?

Color Me Green said...

sounds like fights i've had w my boyf when i want something i found on the street and he's afraid it's vile. unfortunately he usually wins. good for you for winning this one.

Julia said...

hehehehe. Just stumbled on your blog, it's great! good luck with the bed... my fiance would be so proud of you!

Amanda said...

Oh Kim, you know your son so well. ;)

Pen Pen said...

Your so Green!! Awesomeness!! I like it!! Just tell them it's a recycled bed to save the Earth!! :)
Sorry I've been out of it for a few days- I've been wrapped up in some difficult life stuff- I'm back tho! yay!!!!

Kate said...

I LOVE that you did that. If it doesn't smell, I think you're good to go. I would have taken it too.

Peonies and Polaroids said...

Oh god you're brave!

I'm getting hives just thinking about sleeping on a mattress I found in the hallway! (I'm not brave)