4-0-whatthehellwasithinking?

There's something about this weather that's killing my skin. The cold, the wind, getting too drunk with friends and forgetting to wash my makeup off at night. One will never know for sure.

As I inspected my pores in the mirror this morning, I was reminded of an incident that took place in the weeks leading up to the wedding. Maybe it was stress. Maybe it was the potato chip diet. All I know is that in the throes of wedding planning my face began breaking out like crazy. A bride-to-be's worst nightmare. I moaned. I cried. I went to work and tortured my office companions with my angst.

Was it a practical joke? Some innocent advice? One of my co-workers casually mentioned that a little Windex on my zits would do the trick (keep in mind, I've never seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding).

I rush home and rummage under my kitchen sink. Drats. No effing Windex. But, ahaha! 409 multi-surface cleaner. That's, like, the same thing, right?

No. It's not.

To sum it up, I coat my face in 409 multi-surface cleaner, My skin puffs up like something from a bad Cher movie, and Nick scoffs at my stupidity making comments like, "Why would you put something that you use to clean toilets on your face?"

That's a good question.

Sometimes weddings just make girls do crazy things.

Image from here

Diet/Workout Update

I have no diet/workout update.

I used to have a yearning for bulging bridal biceps. I had a whole workout routine mapped out. Free weights were purchased. I had the best of intentions to actually start using them. Then things changed. Nick told me I didn't need SJP biceps. He said her arms were "huge" and "disgusting". He claimed my arms are perfect the way they are. I believed him. I got lazy. Then, the other weekend I went thrift shopping and crammed my thighs into a pair of size 2 jeans and beamed. Maybe the seams looked like they might burst when I sat down, and maybe the seamstress eyed me quizzically when I took them in for hemming... but they buttoned without giving me a muffin top, and that's what counts.

New plan: I stick to what I do best: eating chips and watching Fearnet. Then, two months before the wedding: no chips or booze. This will give my body a little time to detoxify (also, one time I went a week with no chips or booze and lost like 3 pounds. Imagine what 2 months would do!). We'll see how that goes.

So until March 30th:

Image from here

Tanning: Yes or No?

Obvious health concerns aside, should I partake in a couple rounds of fake n' bake pre-wedding to maximize my faux healthy glow?

Me sans the microwave (and surprisingly enough sans makeup) a few years back:

Nick-Knack and I the other summer after a few (too many) trips to the bed:I look a little burnt- but you get the picture.

Should tanning beds be left for sorority girls and men who drive Corvette's?

Could the bed give my skin an extra little pick-me-up for the big day?

Should I be flogged for publicly admitting the thought of tanning ever crossed my pasty Portland lovin' mind?

I'll let you decide.

Better Than Coffee

MatéVana
I live off this stuff. Nutty, rich, and most important- caffeinated. They claim it "creates the energy (of coffee) without jitteriness or addictive tendencies". I agree. When I need a good pick-me-up sans the sometimes awkward side-effects of a nonfat latte *cough*, I whip up a cup of MatéVana and am good to go. (Plus, for the price of two large lattes you can get enough mate to make 20-30 cups.)

For those brides with weddings quickly approaching, I definitely recommend sipping some of this instead of coffee on the morning of your big day. I know I will.

Can be purchased at: Teavana.

MIA

Sorry, I've been feeling completely blah since last Thursday and haven't been in the mood for blogging much...

Last week when I got to work I was horrified to discover an awful case of hives all over my face, neck, and ears. I shrieked and went home ill, blaming it on the only (not so)plausible explanation that I must be suffering from an allergic reaction to a potassium supplement I've been taking (nevermind that I've been taking it for weeks now with no reactions other than wonderfully stable blood pressure).

I went home and scoured the internet for evidence of all the horrible things that must be happening to me. I was convinced I was dying. Kidney failure maybe. A heart attack. I was sure it was going to be slow and painful. I curled up on the couch for days watching Fearnet On Demand- only getting up occassionally to slip on my infamous black track suit and scurry across the street to buy snacks (I only wear the track suit on the weekends when 1. I'm ill or 2. I want to pretend I'm a Beaverton soccer mom for a day and pair it with some teal Pumas and oversized sunglasses).

Nick occassionally looked up from his game of Warhammer to chuckle in amusement as I squeezed our cats and shouted at the t.v. in a Benadryl induced haze. (He knows I'm a hypochondriac and has dealt with many self-diagnosis ranging from ulcers, to melanoma, to brain tumors throughout the years of our relationship)

Needless to say, I didn't die. In fact, through a simple act of patch testing I discovered I was just allergic to a hair product I purchased from Aveda last week. That's all. Hours upon hours of internet research. Frantic phone calls and texts to my loved ones letting them know how much I adore them. Missed time from work. Valuable wedding blogging time wasted. Boxes of consumed animal crackers and half a dozen horror movies later... hair gel.

But on the plus side, I discovered that this stuff works better than Benadryl on itchy hives:

Epicuren Acidophilus Pro-Biotic Emulsion

My "Diet" Thus Far...

I have to admit, the diet has been a little lax to say the least. Jogging? No. OnDemand workout videos? Fat chance. Healthy eating? Eh... I'm working on it. I discovered these scrumptious little treats by LUNA called tea cakes. They've been what keeps me away from the potato chips when snacking at work. I love tea and I love cake. Perfect, right? Well, while they might not be as good as actual cake, they are pretty tasty for health food. I had a vanilla macadamia nut one today, and if I closed my eyes and worked my imagination hard enough I might have been fooled into thinking I was eating a gourmet cookie. That, or something that wasn't purchased next to the protein shakes at the grocery store. Photo from Amazon.com

Aside from munching on tea cakes, I did get in a little workout while attending Race for the Cure with my good friend Lisa this past weekend. We participated in the 5k walk (the place was crowded and we didn't go very fast so it was actually more like the 5k slow shuffle). But- it was exercise, and it was for a good cause (check, check). Here we are on our way out the door:

My lovely friend Lisa all decked out for the cure:
And sticking to true "Amanda" form, I convinced Lisa to veer off just before the finish line so we could make it in time for sausage biscuits at McDonalds (don't worry, instant karma was soon to follow). Ahh, my thighs are going to look amazing in my sheath dress come next May!

Yearning for Bulging Bridal Biceps

The other night the fiance and I sat down to watch the premiere of HBO's new series 'True Blood'. I think it might be my new favorite show second to 'Dexter' and 'Breaking Bad'. Between bouts of sexual tension amongst the characters and the sometimes awkwardly faked accents, I couldn't help but fixate on one thing in particular (be prepared to be creeped out): Tara's amazingly toned arms. Photo from about.com

Well, hello beautiful! I know, I know, my fascination with women's arms might be construed as a little odd. I can't help myself. Lately I've just been yearning for some magnificently toned biceps to pull off my wedding day look (nevermind cellulite or buns-of-steel, just give me forearms that could put someone in a choke-hold while doing a one-armed push up and I will be delighted) .

You see, these are my biceps now:

And this what I want them to look like by May of 2009:Photo from popsugar.com

I happen to have a huge bicep crush on Sarah Jessica Parker. I can't get through an episode of 'Sex and the City' without flexing my muscles and wishing I could trade arms with Carrie Bradshaw. I'm not expecting any miracles- just to have arms even half as nice a hers would suffice. I just need to lose a little fat and add a little definition- mainly in my deltoids and triceps.Photo from iemily.com

Here are two of my favorite arm and shoulder exercises:

The Toned Arms Plan

Tone Your Arms- in 10 Minutes!

If you want a good workout I suggest checking them out and picking a routine to do a few times a week (if you want a good tongue twister just try repeating "Bulging Bridal Biceps" ten times in a row).

Also, I'm lucky enough to have On Demand through Comcast and they have some great free workout videos in their health & fitness section (including some videos made especially for brides. I recommend Violet Zaki).

So here's my tentative plan:

-cardio (in the form of jogging or hiking) 2-3 times a week

-10 minutes of freeweights or resistance band a night

-drink plenty of water and have a (mostly)healthy diet

-do at least 2 OnDemand workout videos a week

I will keep you updated with pics of my progress. Wish me luck!

The Dreaded "D" Word

I decided that since I picked out a slinky sheath-style wedding gown it would be in my best interest to...*gulp*... diet.

Yes, diet.

The dreaded "D" word.

To be honest, I'm on unfamiliar grounds here. While I may ocassionally talk myself out of purchasing a tub of Ben & Jerrys at the grocery store, I don't really know what it means to actually diet. You know, the kind of diet that lasts more than two days and takes real willpower... willpower that I do not have. As long as I can remember I think I've only tried to diet once. My friend Ginny gave me a copy of this detox diet that was only supposed to last a week.

One. Measly. Week.


Well I lasted a whole two days until I got deathly ill and decided losing weight just wasn't worth it. Not that way at least. I'm not so much interested in losing a ton of weight in a hurry as I am in developing an overall healthy lifestyle (can you tell that advice came straight from the mouth of a dietitian?).

I need to learn self control. You see, I have a problem and it looks a little bit like this:




Actually, it looks exactly like that. I cannot stop myself from eating them. I crave salt the way people crave chocolate. I need it. I love it. You could give most women truffles and they would love you forever (well, I would love you forever if they were Moonstruck truffles). If you gave me a fresh pack of Salt & Vinegar Stax I would love you forever and then some! That, or a bag of Roasted Salted Almonds... or even the salty rim of cold margarita would suffice (I have blood pressure so high it would make even Kristy Alley shudder!).

Plus: salt= water retention= bloated= unfortunate looking curves under a hip-hugging sheath gown.

You see where I'm going with this? I need a salt intervention!

So I guess I should rephrase this. I'm not going on a diet per se (because who the heck do I think I'm kidding?), I'm going to learn how to have a healthy diet (wait... isn't that the same as going on a diet? I think I've been tricked!).

I've got my mantra all picked out. I will just repeat "sheath dress, sheath dress, sheath dress, heart attack!" whenever I peer wistfully down the snack aisle at the grocery store. (I'm guessing this has a 15% chance of actually working)



Ugh, now I'm craving chips.