I decided that since I picked out a slinky sheath-style wedding gown it would be in my best interest to...*gulp*... diet.
The dreaded "D" word.
To be honest, I'm on unfamiliar grounds here. While I may ocassionally talk myself out of purchasing a tub of Ben & Jerrys at the grocery store, I don't really know what it means to actually diet. You know, the kind of diet that lasts more than two days and takes real willpower... willpower that I do not have. As long as I can remember I think I've only tried to diet once. My friend Ginny gave me a copy of this detox diet that was only supposed to last a week.
One. Measly. Week.
Well I lasted a whole two days until I got deathly ill and decided losing weight just wasn't worth it. Not that way at least. I'm not so much interested in losing a ton of weight in a hurry as I am in developing an overall healthy lifestyle (can you tell that advice came straight from the mouth of a dietitian?).
I need to learn self control. You see, I have a problem and it looks a little bit like this:
Actually, it looks exactly like that. I cannot stop myself from eating them. I crave salt the way people crave chocolate. I need it. I love it. You could give most women truffles and they would love you forever (well, I would love you forever if they were Moonstruck truffles). If you gave me a fresh pack of Salt & Vinegar Stax I would love you forever and then some! That, or a bag of Roasted Salted Almonds... or even the salty rim of cold margarita would suffice (I have blood pressure so high it would make even Kristy Alley shudder!).
Plus: salt= water retention= bloated= unfortunate looking curves under a hip-hugging sheath gown.
You see where I'm going with this? I need a salt intervention!
So I guess I should rephrase this. I'm not going on a diet per se (because who the heck do I think I'm kidding?), I'm going to learn how to have a healthy diet (wait... isn't that the same as going on a diet? I think I've been tricked!).
I've got my mantra all picked out. I will just repeat "sheath dress, sheath dress, sheath dress, heart attack!" whenever I peer wistfully down the snack aisle at the grocery store. (I'm guessing this has a 15% chance of actually working)
Ugh, now I'm craving chips.