On my first Christmas living here in The Big City I was puzzled to receive a flashlight from my parents packaged neatly in paper with a bow. They grinned proudly while I unwrapped my gift, declaring in a matter-of-fact tone that this was no ordinary flashlight. No. This was a Mag-Lite. The mother of all beating sticks. I was to carry this monstrous hunk of metal with me whenever I went out. After dark. Near dark. Early morning. On my way to class. To work. While shopping.
One can never be too safe.Image from here
If anyone (be it bum, murderer, or rapist) so much as looked in my direction, I was to give them the best old-fashioned beat-down of their life. And I kid you not- my parents were dead serious.
Of course I never actually carried this thing around with me outside (I have no fear of NW Portland after dark). Instead it found itself snuggled carefully between my nightstand and bed. You know, in case the power goes out (or said bum, murderer, rapist breaks into our apartment and needs a good beat-down).
The other night I knocked the Mag-Lite over while fishing for my copy of 'Martha Stewart Weddings' under the bed. The walls in our room echoed with a loud Cling! as it hit the hardwood floors. Nick was startled from his sleep.
"What the Hell are you doing?" he muttered as I quickly shut off the lights and clicked the Mag-Lite on. I waved it around on our ceiling for a few minutes then tried my hand at shadow puppets. Image from here
"Amanda," he shrieked. "Amanda! I have to wake up for work in a couple hours. Knock it off!"
I chuckled and made a bunny, then a dog, and finished up with the best ostrich you could imagine (sound effects included). Nick sighed in protest. He sat up in bed in an attempt to outdo me with shadow puppet genius. We giggled then teased. insults were thrown and competition was high. A laser light show was attempted while Nick belted out his best Jimi Hendrix impersonation.
This continued on until our cats grew scared and hid under the bed and the beam of the Mag-Lite flickered out of life.
Nick and I will forever be kids.
Mag-Lite, you rock.